I Bloomed Violets from Violence
View the showcase,
my display
through the blue-coloured lens.
Cue the sound
of
children of some kind of
civil war in
all our heads
Haunt our house.
Shrieks and bleakness
<starved and barren>
Opioids in her dresser.
She swears they
are not there, but
I saw them.
This vessel
This pit of
chaos in my chest
You must keep it
safe to say you
will not know
me. Until
you feel it kick.
What I say,
What I do,
Benevolently construed.
Feelings of safety.
I put up a fight,
still pried from my
bloody hands.
At all costs,
They will make me
the victim.
In spite of,
I protect us.
Feelings of trust.
Robbed of, young.
I do not trust a
soul. But I do not
Trust myself more.
Betrayal peaked in and
Abandonment
crossed by and
I might be next
to walk out the door.
Feelings of worth.
Never occurred to me,
until now.
I do not deserve
anything I have earned,
nor anything that pained me.
Taking the blame
is always default.
Feelings of intimacy.
You would say
these things
You would mean
another.
Rejection popped in and
There you go,
Gone again.
Do not leave me alone
All these intrusive
thoughts. Invasive.
In a moonlit room.
Reflecting,
Panicking.
My nervous system tweaking.
There is no
rewiring or
balancing chemicals
or magic tricks or
substances.
How could I be
practical?
Meanwhile the die are
rolling and everything
bouncing around is
discourteous.
Repeating on a loop.
People are not my cup of tea
when I feel like the target
of an unwarranted nemesis.
I wish I could
Wish you well.
Disdain spills over.
You say you love me.
Yes! You do love me.
But I have been loved before
I have been left before.
Feelings of control.
I am in and out of it.
Off the walls,
Spiraling.
Nothing is under
my control.
Reacting.
Thoughts running
rapid. Flashbacks
I can’t snap out of.
Mind movies replaying
of things that nobody
should have ever
done to me.
Dissociating
to disconnect
before my brain
short circuits.
Now I do not know
I am out of control.
Hypervigilant
Everyone is out to get me.
I am the target.
I am ambivalent
of every single
one of you.
Still benevolent,
even though
you have caused this
turmoil.
I am
Resilient.
I will not
Be still.
I am persistent
Even when
I am the only one
pouring into the cup.
I bloomed Violets
from Violence.